This is an organization that I really admire and have already spoken about. Still, I was having a hard time getting in contact with them which lead me to see the fact on their social media that they were going to be having a master class on the fear of gaining weight or getting fat. I decided to attend to learn and see if I could get my foot in the door.
- They spoke about how paralyzing this fear is and how it can affect your day-to-day life. (This is a fear that at times can shut you out from everyday activities as well as responsibilities, and it also causes you to lose friendships and have further problems down the road because of this fear).
- The team is led by three people: Maria Elvira, Lili, and Vero, and they have other support since they have one-on-one psychology sessions. Lili had her own experience with an eating disorder, while the other founders suffered from dissatisfaction but not necessarily symptoms.
- This movement or organization was born 10 years ago; it offers psychotherapy and body-image support and fights the battles people face in everyday life around food and their bodies.
- One of their main points is that diet culture and aesthetics are major problems, and that Colombia, like the rest of the world, has a strong beauty industry.
- They aren’t just offering treatment or making it available. They also want the organization to have a social movement, which is why they don’t only have a website and social media. They also have podcasts and many other resources to raise awareness. They speak about the fact that, as humans, we always have a survival mechanism, and because of this, we are always looking to fit in in two ways, specifically mentally and physically, especially when it comes to health (Which I think is where a lot of stigmas come from, not just because of body shape and some people thinking one body is healthier than the other, but because there is the example of people not wanting to go to a psychologist or psychiatrist because they always want to project that everything is perfect and that there are no problems)
- One very large misconception which they have faced in their community is the fact that people think that if people lose the fear of being fat, then it means permission to become fat or that this is how they do it, but this is not the case (I think that this leads to a lot of people not looking for help from them because this is an assumption that is had, and I am not going to lie, it is one I had myself when I entered treatment)
- The idea they are trying to accomplish is for people to be less hypervigilant about their bodies and to be able to live freely and in peace.
- The fear of gaining weight is learned and almost always inherited but they believe it is everyones journey to to decide wether they are going to keep acting on this fear or if they are going to change it:
- Rejection
- Only the mother loves them (A los gordigtos solo los quire la mama)(This is a very common saying in Colombia)
- Not being beautiful
- losing value as a woman
- being seen as fat
- being told that I stopped taking care of myself
- feeling uncomfortable with our own body
- not seeing myself well in the mirror
- that people will stop loving you
- not being attractive
- These are just some of the beliefs that came up in the meeting and that they presented in the workshop, which a lot of people attending agreed with.
One of the exercises they made us do was to realize how subjective the word fat ” is and what it looks like, starting with asking us what we considered tall and writing it in the group chat. People had very different answers, which I found interesting, and it made me think about what everyone’s beliefs might be. There are normally associations that come with this word, and these are some of the ones that were mentioned:
- Lazy
- They don’t have willpower.
- They don’t take care of themselves.
- They don’t love or care about themselves.
- They have emotional struggles.
- They are not attractive.
- There is no such thing as a person who is fat and happy.
This leads them to ask participants a couple of questions: Why can’t we be fat? Why don’t we allow it to ourselves? These beliefs are most common in Guatemala and Colombia because people immediately ask why they don’t eat less and take better care of themselves.
- As an organization, they mentor one-on-one and offer group therapy, also exploring each participant’s beliefs about fatness and how it’s built, not real, and how people read themselves. (One of the main tips they give is not to allow the noise, or at least not to perpetuate it, so don’t ask so many opinions specifically about your appearance)
- The idea that being fat is inherently associated with rejection is something we have learned as a society, and that we continue to grow; this can also be considered a protection mechanism)
- There are a lot of ways in which we see it in our everyday lifestyle; for example, when our parents start speaking about our fat friend and how they have a pretty face, but what a pity that they are fat. Why aren’t their parents doing anything about it? It’s so sad that she got fat.
- “No me veo como estoy; siempre me falta un centavo para el peso.” No matter how well I am doing, it is never enough. I am always missing the quarter to get to the dollar. It is never enough, and this is what leads to illness because you start thinking okay 1 more pound, and this leads to a very scary pattern.
- Who wants to be fat when our elders have told us our entire lives that being fat is a fate worse than death? (People stop living because they start to think they will do something when they lose a little more weight, for example, going on a trip or wearing an outfit) – Maybe I could create an artifact where I have people interact about what they have stopped doing because of their fear of how their body looks.
- One of the main things we have to start doing is using the word fat, because if we do, then we take away its power. You have to ask yourself several questions, such as what it means to me to be fat, and recognize the perspective in my brain as well as the one I have to challenge. One of the main things that they asked us to challenge was when it will actually be enough. (I can personally think about this because I will finally buy a certain outfit when I get down to a certain size, or many more situations to look at, because I limit myself based on how my body looks and feels, and from my experience speaking to people, this is something many people live with).
- They spoke about when they started to lose weight. It still wasn’t good enough; the problems or insecurities they had were going to stay, even if they lost the weight they thought would make them happy. There is also a lot of praise around it because everyone asks you what you did to look the way you look now; what is next? If you praise one type of change in the body, why not the other?
We use the body as a form of control. For example, there is a saying in Colombia or Latin America: when you do not like someone, “Ese me cae gordo.” There is no direct translation in English, but it basically means, “I can’t stand her/him,” using the word fat. There is also the fact that we are now living in a world where everything is so easy to get for example, food- as well as losing weight, because we now have medicine or products that do it for you. There is an oversell or exposure to this, whether it works or not; for example, there was a time when this was tapeworms, smoking, or heroin; now it is any GLP1s.
The mental illnesses of eating disorders are very hard to explain when it is not something you live; it is abnormal for people who have seen this, but it is important to find some support to not feel alone in these experiences.
- Some of how this is all seen are how there is always body checking whenever a person is walking past a mirror or window they see their body as well as always being hyper vigilant towards the body, you are always comparing yourself to others (this is the main issue I feel like because I think that if we just all saw out bodies for what they were and not thinking of it as something we have to adapt part of the problem would be solved), because of this pressures and the feelings that come from it there are moments where we make wrong decisions such as lying about what we are eating or making ourselves feel a different way in out own experiences.
- Bingeing, not eating (restriction), purging, excessive exercise, GLP1s, wearing thin clothing, and not wanting to get ready because I don’t want to be seen, making myself invisible, avoiding activities to hide from the fear, and this makes it even bigger.
- We always see different comments being made, and this has a tremendous effect on the people receiving them, especially when they are young and very sensitive. There is a sanitization of the word fat; however, when we look at its counterpart, fat and ugly, they are always being looked at as thin and pretty. They are respected and seen as something they must achieve, and it becomes a way to make sure you aren’t disappointing anyone by staying extremely thin.
These are fears we have constructed ourselves and the societies we live in; however, we need to start seeing how we can change this and view it differently. For example, think about the fact that people who truly love us will never place conditions on how we look or take away their love, not if it’s an actual connection.
They recommend five strategies to handle this fear better.
- Keep exploring where this fear comes from
- Identify the actions or behaviors that we do.
- It is not about trying to stop the fear because it is never going to disappear; it’s about gradually exposing yourself to the things you are scared of.
- Take action and do the opposite of what the fear is telling you to do, especially if the fear isn’t a big deal, because sometimes we get the opposite reaction. (We try to restrict to control and lose weight but end up having binges, which in turn leads to weight gain, even if you have compensatory strategies)
- Be consistent (therapy and doing what you said you were going to do)
- Build a critical identity around diet culture.
There has to be a focus on the body not just aesthetically and about how it looks, but actually about what it can do, because there is no use in being extremely thin and malnourished and not being able to have children or walk around because your body has gotten to that level of illness, so it is also important to look at it from this perspective.
- Try to avoid body checking; don’t always look at yourself in the mirror or in a window.
- When this fear comes up, admit it, sit with it, and talk it through in therapy or by writing it down so you can work through it, consider options, and ask questions about the fear.
Going to this workshop was an incredible and enlightening experience because I signed up for the program, which includes weekly follow-ups and a support group with different women. This will not only help me with my project and the knowledge I need to gather. Still, it will also help me with my own process because I have been struggling recentley since I associate stress with food wether that is over eating or under eating. It leads to very problematic behaviors, which I need to nip in the bud so that I can continue living a healthy life and not live in constant fear that I will need further treatment than the one I am already in. I think that this is very helpful because, from my own expeiences nd what I have found from my research, people around you are always telling you to stop compensatory behaviors nd tell you to stop however they do not find ways of helping you and seeing how you can get further help and move forward which is why I found this experience so enriching.
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