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I was supposed to have a meeting that would be a circle where I’d get different opinions and experiences from different people; however, at the last minute, four of them canceled, and one of them didn’t show up. Still, I understand this is part of the process and that things like this happen a lot. I was very fortunate, and two of them agreed to meet tomorrow. Still, since I am dealing with such a vulnerable group, I understand that these are things that are bound to happen sometimes. I want to make sure I am being respectful; however, it is frustrating because I had been planning it for a week. They had already confirmed, so when people canceled at the last minute, it was frustrating, but I am still going to continue. I will keep working to make sure my interventions continue and that I am doing what I am supposed to do in my research. It is hard to get people to speak to me in the first place, so when I find a group and set a time, it is still difficult. Still, I will continue and persevere through this process. This happens to a lot of people, especially during field study. 

I created the Instagram account, tried posting, and I am starting to do so. Still, if I am being completely honest I am absolutely terrified of the response I am going to get, I am very sensitive because of my own struggles and I severely scared that I will get targeted as well as my family because of the controversial work I am doing specially in Colombia and in my town where everything is so hyper critical however I promised myself that I was going to start putting myself out there so even if I am scared shirtless to keep posting on the instagram I am still going to do it. If at some point it will impact my mental health, I will change it because the issue is that I am so afraid of what might happen that I might never start moving. However, I have been moving forward with a Padlet I started with different people I have been meeting with to understand different people’s perspectives and the ways I might have blind spots that need to be seen to find where things might be changing. 

https://padlet.com/cuerpoundefined/cuerpo-undefined-221g26tn4767tvtd

Not everything I have done has been going according to plan. Still, I am beginning to trust the fact that it is a process and that I need to keep going to see results in this master’s. One of the many reasons I ended up in this master’s is to embrace the unexpected and the way life is; if I want everything to be put out. 

I tried to hold the first focus group, and I was supposed to meet with two people who had confirmed they were attending. I sent them the link to join the meeting; however, one person who was supposed to join did not, and I asked if they were okay with joining. They did not respond, so I ended up having a one-on-one conversation with another person. I will not share their name because I want to protect their privacy, but she has an active social media presence, and that is how I came into contact with her. First of all, we introduced ourselves, and she started talking about how her experiences with eating disorders were especially when it came to the fact that she practiced ballet. She can attest that dancers are actually at fault for the entire situation; they are not treated as victims of this terrible system in ballet. The people who organize the system and the organization are not seen as the trigger (“the front of the room”). She believes this pressure comes from her own experience in a high school ballet boarding school. Most people would assume this pressure came from comparing herself with her classmates, but it wasn’t just that; it also came from the people above them in a hierarchy where the dancer was always the last priority. Her mentor who was a dancer for Bolshoi (which is one of the oldest and most renuaund ballet companies in the world) made a lot of different comments specifically when it came to their body image and normalizing the fact that these comments where okay to say maybe because of their own struggles with the way she was treated during her career but I don’t really have the teachers point of view just the student but this could. be an interesting point to look at. She became, as a dancer and a student, so close to her teacher that it was almost like a friendship, and she expresses how this was so unhealthy for herself because it became normal to have this toxic talk about one’s body. She specifically talked a lot about the way that when she was in constant contact with someone she admired so much and who was a dancer she wanted to be like, it became a very different relationship because you start absorbing her culture and the way she spoke to herself and what she did which lead to this dancer having this extreme body standards that where a part of this dance companies tradition. When I asked her what she thought was the beginning of this, specifically when it came to ballet wanting to have a very slim figure, she talked about how she feels it all started in the 1980s in the Balanchine era and the new American ballet institutions. She thinks that when ballet started as an art form, people looked like regular individuals, and the focus was more on technique; if you worked hard enough, you could make a career for yourself in this field. However, because ballet became such a popular and important art form in the United States, it became more commercialized and mixed with Hollywood glamour. New York City Ballet became one of the most important references for ballet worldwide, and the unrealistic body standards that started there spread around the world. There was also a huge change when this specific dance started to evolve from being an art into being a sport, and this is when body expectations changed so drastically. There was more of a want for dancers to be individuals in the past before this era started because now they want them all to meet specific rules such as weight, height, flexibility, feet, and much more, and this is such a difficult position to be in because it is the same way that athletes are looked at. 

When she talks about her own experience I really admired her strength and her perseverance to want to be better and improve her health because of her life and the way that everything is structured because of her family belief system it was very rare that people get medical help and this meant that her process was extremely lonely and tough p=becuase she did not have a profesional to help her manage her emotions or understand why she was doing what she was doing and it took her about 2 years in order to fully accept her eating disorder and try to make it better because it was a process hsehad to do all on her own, one of the main things she had to do was look at ballet as her sport and not as her entire identity because she had to revert to what her life was like before she developed this disorder and she discovered that she actually used to love food and she had to completely change the way she looked at life because she really had to work on how she saw herself as a person connected with her body and not look at it as if her body was a shell. One of the main things she had to do was step back from ballet for a little while, but she is still a dancer today. Still, she had to be very careful in choosing the right company to work at that would respect her own identity and make sure that she was healthy. Her company (Ballet Trockadero) helps dancers by offering mental health talks and also by letting her participate in theatre and film. Dance opened those doors for her. She also spoke about how having a boundary between dance and her life helped because it meant her entire world wasn’t always revolving around this one subject. 

She also talked about the direct correlation between ballet and body image pressure, and how social media makes this even more visible because she says the body is now a trend you must follow. There is always a change from one side to another, which is something we are seeing from going from a curvy aesthetic and how we are now seeing such extreme thinness, and this is something that happens in ballet as well because dancers who want to make it to a specific company must follow that aesthetic that is set for them. There is also the problem we are now seeing when it comes to GLP 1 medications and how there are a lot of people using this without needing them (However I also think this is a problem because I think people now assume that GLP 1 are only used for weight loss and that if you are not overweight you should not be using GLP 1 however there are a lot of studies out there that show that GLP1 help for a lot of things that are not just diabetes or weight loss, there are a lot of people using them for PCOS, insulin resistance, thyroid, menopause and much more and that they believe it is very good for some of this but now everyone who is on a GLP1 is criticized it they are not overweight which I do not believe is fair either – speaking from my own personal experience I used a GLP 1 and it actually helped me recover from my Bulimia which I suffered from for 10 years on and off and it completely changed my life when it came to my Hashimoto thyroid so I can be an example of one of this people and it did work for me and helped me a lot but I do understand the misconception). One of the main things she said was that the world and society as a whole is now a mirror for the toxic culture we saw in ballet previously. 

One of the main issues she talked about was the way social media has not created a new for of comment culture aswell and how there is always a comparison and people are way to comfortable saying whatever it is they are thinking especially when they are behind a screen and are not always seen, she specifically saw this with dance and how there starts to be a competition with pears online. She believes that there should not be so much pressure for young children to post on their social media because it opens them up to a world of criticism, which might really affect their mental health. If they take their career more seriously and it grows, social media might be necessary, but it should be used when they are older. It is adults’ job as a whole to make sure social media platforms are used appropriately and that there is as little damage as possible on these platforms.

One of the main things that she talked bout was the fact that there are people in this industry that are always in a position of power, and there is an unbalanced structure, for example the directors of the big ballet companies. She doesn’t necessarily say it’s their fault; she says these people were trained during a time when toxic standards were the norm, and there was no way to know they were wrong, so they passed that on to younger generations. The organizations that receive such great funding are more focused on looks than the actual well-being of the dancers; however, when she looks at smaller companies, she sees that there is legitimate concern for the dancers, and they are not just looked at as dancers but as people as well (the individual is very important to them, not just the machine). 

One idea that she came up with, which I thought was very interesting and I could maybe create something like this, is to bring a group of people together or a festival between these different smaller companies and from there take the winnings and give it to organizations of people that are helping people with eating disorders and research. One of the biggest things she talks about is the need for a change in language and greater education so people in power can understand the effects they have on these children. 

I was also curious and asked her if there were any moments when she used dance as a form of expression for everything she had gone through. She said it has mostly been a tool for healing when she dances by herself, because when she dances for her company, she is telling the story they are portraying, not her own, but she thought this was sad. It is actually beautiful because she is only performing for herself. 

This was a very productive interview because I was able to look at the subject through the lens of an athlete and as someone who uses their body for her job. I asked her, and she gave me full consent to take notes and analyze what she said in the interview, specifically the voice recording, and she fully agreed to my using it and to its use on my blog, which is important for ethical reasons. She was completely understanding that the other participant did not show up, since it was supposed to be a circle. Still, she was very open to talking and keeping in touch, since she feels this project could make a difference. I’m definitely going to take what I learned from this conversation and apply it to a larger idea about what I am going to be doing.

In the last couple of weeks, I have been working on trying to get different groups of people who have openly talked about their eating disorder struggles on social media together to take part in different conversations; however, this has definitely been a struggle. I have reached out to around 50 people, or more, and a couple have gotten back to me. Some of them have been resistant, which I completely understand. Still, it is hard to plan and get people together; however, today I was supposed to meet with two people. They both confirmed, but one didn’t show up, which was stressful; still, I had a very interesting conversation with the other person who did and got a lot of insight. I will talk about this person in a later post. However, I have another meeting this afternoon where about 5 people are going to join for a conversation. However, when I realized many people might not be open to talking or might not have the time, I decided to create a panel so a larger group could interact and share different points of view. I will also be having, or am trying to set up, other focus groups in the coming weeks; it is just very hard to get people together to discuss this subject. Some things go beyond my control because people might say they are showing up and then, last minute, express that they do not feel safe or do not want to connect and don’t let me know; however, I have started to realize that this is a part of the process, and I will continue working on it. This weekend, I am also going to try a field study in the town of Medellin, trying to get people to participate and share how they see this issue. Still, I am moving forward and will keep trying to create different forms of intervention. This has been a very hard process because I have needed to be very careful when talking to these people since they are such a vulnerable group. There are a lot of barriers when talking with them; for example, many are still sharing their journey. Still, they might not be fully recovered, so I have had most of them talk to their therapists. Some haven’t been able to participate or haven’t felt comfortable; others don’t want to talk in a group and have asked me to contact them privately, which I have been doing to make sure they feel safe and not exposed in any way, shape, or form. A lot of them have flat-out said no, and I have thanked them for their time and for responding, wished them luck in their journey, and some people haven’t answered at all. Still, I have tried to stay in the lane of the people who are open to talking to me and trying to make sure that there are no triggers and it is a conversation they feel comfortable with. 

I started to realize that I needed more focus groups in order to gather more information and make sure that whatever I am doing is going to be something that is not overly saturated in this market especially when it comes to South America, I started to look for girls who have been open about their eating disorders or struggles with body image online and I started doing this through tin Tok and have gotten a lot of responses from my original messages I still have not set up a time to do a round table with them there are two groups a group which will speak in Spanish and is of latin origin and another one which will be from English or American organ just because of the fact that there are less women in latin America willing to speak on the subject and more are willing to do it in English and I think it is important to gather as much information as I possibly can I will try to set all of this up even though it will be hard to get a lot of people together and keep on going with it, this week I am also going to be going out and doing field research in the town on Medellin to see the different reactions I might get from different people. I am not going to post the conversations I have had with the people who I have corresponded with because I still don’t have consent from them to use their name and likeness and it is an important step in the process.

One idea I started with was to launch an Instagram, but I needed a name and a logo first to begin planning. I came up with one, but it felt too mature, and I didn’t get much traction with it. Also, the name was “La raiz del cuerpo,” which means the root of the body, and from there I started with a logo where I wanted to incorporate a mirror breaking and having the words outside, and this is what I started with. 

However, the moment I posted it, I realized people wouldn’t understand what I meant. I used Illustrator, and what I was trying to accomplish wasn’t coming through with this logo, so I started thinking about other ideas. I also realized it didn’t look professional, and it didn’t capture people’s attention or make them think about what it was. I even got a lot of questions asking me what it was and why I started this. Then I realized this is something I mostly want to do for Latin America; however, if I wanted it to reach internationally or with different audiences, I needed to make it bilingual, which is where I came up with “Cuerpo undefined” as the name of the account. I also started thinking about the colors I wanted to use. I thought I might want to add periwinkle, a mix of purple and blue, because it is the color used for eating disorder awareness. I started working on it, but earlier that day I was with a family friend of my parents who is a publicist and told me we could make the logo better and that she could help me. I started by sending her another design, 

However, she told me something else we could do first: she looked at the feedback a lot and thought the text might have been hard to read. The main thing I heard was that it looked sad compared to the options this publicist gave me; her name is Lena Garcia. 

She gave me this two ideas and I gave people around me the option and to tell me which one they preferred there were a lot of mixed opinions, some people told me that the option in black and white looks sad and as if it was not a winning battle however the gold one looked more inspirational as a movement however other people thought that it looked a little like something you would see as a logo for a protein shake which I also thought was a valid point however the publicist and her partner who is also a publicist thought that the gold one would be better and get more traction. After I changed the name and logo, I got a lot more traction, and people started to look more at the page even though I am just starting it. I am not sure what tools this publicist used but there might be some AI usage but I am not sure I am going to have to ask her and give back the answer in order to show the tools that were used but the final logo was her creation which we collaborated in.

For this intervention I decided to work with a focus group or a group circle where I was able to get the people thinking about different subjects when it comes to body image today and have them feed of each other as well as seeing different perspectives, I decided to have it be people who are parents and have had several young girls in their lives and between all of them I was able to grab an older woman in her 80s and even though she was never a mother she helped raise her nieces from a very young age and they consider her like a mother. I was able to speak to two fathers, one of them being in a more mature age and having had two granddaughters as well, and him being heavily involved in their lives. Afterward, I gathered three mothers’ perspectives on my questions; however, this was a workshop I did in Spanish because the participants do not speak English, so that I will be teaching the original documents as well as the English translations to the best of my abilities. I had them all sign a consent form stating they were okay with answering the questions in Spanish, and I will also attach a picture of the document with all their signatures. This was supposed to take place on August 8. Still, some people in this group couldn’t make it, but asked if they could participate or answer the questions the day before, and I let them since it was important to them and they thought it was important to look at the subject through different lenses. 

These were the questions they were asked to answer, and they talked through them internally, with answers shared discreetly.

• The first question is: as a parent to girls, how do you feel your own relationship with your bodies affects them, and how do you feel you could improve this?
• What tools have you used or started using to help your daughters build a good relationship with their bodies?
• What do you think is the biggest problem that girls have when it comes to their relationship with their bodies? With your experience, not just your daughter, how do you see it around you?

• TRANSLATION   –

I will use the information I find today for my master’s investigations. If at any point you feel unsafe or insecure, or you decide to stop participating in the activity, you have every right to tell me not to use what I find today as data now. 

I’m using this activity to update my database and see how I can help people who are struggling with food, as well as how people feel about their bodies and body image. 

I will use this information for research and share it with my professors and classmates in my master’s program. 

I really appreciate your cooperation in this project. If you agree with all that is written here, please sign below to give your consent. 

• DAVID ESCOBAR   –

He is a man in his mid-forties and has lived in Colombia his entire life. He is a father to two young girls; one is 14, and the other is 8. He was very inspiring and gave detailed answers. 

• TRANSLATION   –

1. Being affected not necessarily if something I would say that it is more of a situation of them seeing us compare ourselves with others, It is more connected now days with the media, this is where the comparison beginnings, today appearances are more important than health and wellness, mind body, I have never felt superior or inferior depending on my appearance or body weight, however I try to stay normal in my eating habits. 

Trying to talk with my children about the subject makes me think that they make the subject of eating habits and preferences more about the trends and not their own personal taste, I have made it clear that they should eat everything and after they have tasted it they can decide whether it is good or bad and this does not give the child a prejudice about food and what they should or should not eat. 

The most important point to get across is confidence: they are allowed to be themselves and enjoy life. 

2. The best tools in my concept or opinion is the “option” and knowing how to mage them, today young people can choose a lot of material when it comes to their nutrition and eating habits, I try to give them diversity in food, balancing everything between protein, vegetables and carbohydrates because a lot of times the trends of foods that are deemed healthy “healthy marketing” ends up creating a narrative on foods “supposedly healthy” that are not actually healthy. 

The best tool is diversity and teaching them how to eat and enjoy without fear of what might happen later. When it comes to sugar, I place a lot of emphasis on my younger daughter, who ikes sweets more from time to time; sometimes she takes it too far, so I make space to discuss how any excess, at some point, comes back to you. You pay for the habits you have had at some point. 

3. For me the problem is more focused in the subject of classification or ranking according to someone’s body shape or size in some place, young people today have access to media where there is a trend on fitness which to me is a ridiculous concept, the exaggerated form of exercise and nutrition “supposedly balanced” makes young people in a constant race which is a struggle or a challenge in their day to day life, which limits them in certain ways about their food and their nutrition the biggest problem are the ultraprocessed foods which are not highly consumed in my household, but when they are consumed or eaten in excess they have a price. Some parents buy into fitness trends, which can shift their children’s nutrition in ways that affect growth and development. 

• I try to teach them to eat a bit of everything, I teach them to try everything so they can decide if they like it or not, I try to explain to them what every single food is for protein in form of energy and nutrition, and let them choose but under a certain parameter which is clear in its perspectives not only because of trends and their group of friends but by their value and personal concept. 
• CIELO TOBON  –

This is a mature woman in her late 60s who’s lived in Colombia and has never lived outside Colombia. She is part of an all-women family; her daughter has two grandchildren, as well as 5 nieces and great-nieces.

• TRANSLATION   –

1. When it comes to their relationship with their bodies, many changes can affect them; nowadays we can see personality changes, their form of being, and their behavior, which are different. It can improve through dialogue and patience from the parents. 

2. Having good relationships with our children, having enough books, and we also have help from psychologists. 

3. Lack of information also affects parents who are not on top of their children. 

• Julio Toro   –

Julio Toro is a man in his 70s. He is Cielo’s husband, and like her, he has never lived outside of Colombia but has traveled. He shares Cielo’s family history and has biological nieces who are his brothers’ daughters. 

• TRANSLATION   –

1. In today’s day and age of modernism, the model of women is affecting the mental health of our young people. All the girls need to be beautiful and have a very good body; this affects them and makes them spend most of their time trying to model their bodies. 

2. We try to make it so that it does not affect them a lot, trying to love them and care for them as much as possible, but in society all of their classmates are the ones that have the greatest influence on their behaviors.

3. They all have to be thin, skinny, and beautiful. You have to do almost the impossible so the mental models don’t affect them. However, even if this is happening, we have to help them build a good friendship with themselves and share as much as we can to build strong communication.

• LENA GARCÍA   –

Lena is a woman in her mid-40s. She has always lived in Colombia but has moved between Medellín, one of the big cities, and the capital, Bogotá, which may give her a different perspective. She has also been a woman who has always struggled with her body image, and she has a daughter who is 12. 

• TRANSLATION   –

½. We are up against a society that still bases itself on the perfect body to belong, and even though there is education that we try to implement with our daughter, which is inclusion “accept herself as well as others as they are” it is difficult. Still, it gives her a point of view of acceptance with her own body. Building her confidence in her appearance and supporting her through the difficulties in her circle give her tools that build security and decision-making power when it comes to things like society and her opinions. 

3. The high level of information that we face in social media means there are no filters; even though we try to block some information through parental control, they end up in a fantasy of a made-up reality of “this is what you should do and how you should act”.

• ROSILVIA TOBON   –

This woman is nearing her 80s and has been out of Colombia very few times. She has always lived in Medellín; she was not a mother, but she helped raise all her nieces and great-nieces, and her nieces consider her one of their mothers because they even lived in the same household growing up.

• TRANSLATION   –

1. I think that, as the aunt that I am, since I have nieces, I lead by example with the confidence I have in myself. I help them with their own self-worth. When they see me taking care of myself, they will take better care of themselves as well. 

2. A tool they can use is the respect of the image. 

3. The probability that girls will see a lot of information on social media and relate it to their body means there has to be a lot of caution with the things that they see and talk about when it comes to their appearance.

• ALEJANDRO CALERO   – 

This is a man in his mid-forties who has lived in two cities in Colombia. He works as a publicist for some of Colombia’s major brands. He has a teenage daughter and an adult son reaching his 20s. He has experience living in both a large city, the capital, and a smaller but still big city, Cali, where he grew up. 

• TRANSLATION   –

1. Relationship with their bodies

Often, the fact of growing up around other girls makes them feel insecure about their height and body, which can make it hard to enjoy activities and lose weight. 

• What can I do?

We always have conversations about making them conscious of different subjects:

• Body development
• Nutrition and well-being 
• Full knowledge of their bodies, keeping in mind that my daughter is just 12 years old.
• Interior and their own beliefs. 

1. Tools

• Genetics apps.
• Movies and documentaries about conscious nutrition.
• Courses and improvisation of healthy cooking.
• Yoga/Spa/ quality time with mom to acknowledge their growth.

1. Problems with the girls and their relationship with their body

• Over information

The girls and boys today have way too many role models, and they suffer from the oversaturation of the messages out there because of the culture and the people around them. As adults, we should always be accompanying them in these arenas. 

Nutrition and its components can cause girls to develop prematurely. This is something that should be looked at and guided by public health care because of the number of girls without access to and resources for special care and specialized information. 

Cultural beliefs are so strong that they make young girls need to look a certain way and have very set interpretations in the development of their bodies. 

• CATALINA TORO   –

She is a woman in her mid-forties who has always lived in Medellín and has two daughters who are very different ages: one is 8, and the other is 14, and she is always talking about her body. 

• TRANSLATION   – 

1. My relationship with my body has a direct correlation with my daughters because, as I start saying thoughts out loud, for example, “I look fat or skinny…” I can generate insecurity in my daughters and take away an idea of “a prototype of an ideal body”
2. I have incorporated good nutrition habits, don’t demonize certain foods, and stay flexible and balanced with sugar and fats. 
3. The biggest problem is social media and the “sale of the ideal body”.

MY THOUGHTS AND INTERPRETATION: 

• One of the first thoughts that came up when I was going through all of the different peoples answers was the fact that the people that went deeper in their answers were actually the fathers in this situations and not the moms and when I made not of it one of the mothers reaction was that fathers are never on top of a daughters appearance that it is a mothers job to be on top of it, this was Cielo who is an older woman and she had her daughter have breast augmentations when she was a teenager and has had cosmetic work done herself so maybe this is the example she is setting or she find this to be very important maybe this is her set of beliefs. However, this connects to what Julio said later in the conversation. I actually have a voice recording of his conclusion with his consent. He talks about the fact that cosmetic surgeons have made a fortune around women’s insecurities and made them think they have to look a certain way to make money, and this is why there is such pressure when it comes to their bodies. 
• One of the main points which I think all of the participants agree on is the fact that there is a very large issue when it comes to social media and all the different examples that young girls have when it comes to bodies and looking for a perfect body but I think that people in the media romantacise their lives and act as if it were natural and easy since they are in the media. Still, there is a lot behind the scenes that we are not aware of. 
• Another interesting point is that the older individuals wrote less and were less active in the conversation; it was as if they were less willing to participate and look at the insight,t, almost as if they were scared to go deeper into the conversation. 
• Another interesting thing was that only two people talked about food, and they noted that we need to stop the idea that some foods are good and others are bad; instead, we should tell them to be careful with certain foods. Still, there is other media out there that even rejects this and talks about the fact that we should let children learn by themselves not just telling them but letting them learn that a lot of a certain food might give you problems with your stomach or make you feal ill however I am not sure if we will ever find a correct answer for this because of the amount of opinions out there and how there are so many doctors with diverse opinions in the media. One thing is for sure: if you don’t have the credentials to talk about food and haven’t done an extensive study, you shouldn’t talk about the approach to it. 
• Older people in this group talked more about the pressure around people your own age and the society around them, specifically in school, and this made me wonder if they felt this when they were much younger. 
• There was a lot of talk about confidence and being able to speak about anything with their children, especially how they are feeling about their body and being open to them about the realities around them, and seeing a lot more information when it comes to telling them that what they see out in the world is what is normal and seeing the different ways in which things can happen.